...if he was more helpful or a better communicator, everything would be better. I thought I was just destined to a marriage of endurance and did my best to put on a happy face and tough it out. I'd try to accept him as he was but I'd just end up frustrated with him that he was the way he was and frustrated with me that I chose the poor guy and now I want him to change. That is not a fun way to live for anyone. Of course I didn't see that any of the issues had to do with me! After my first PSYCH-K® session I felt completely different about my marriage. It was like everything changed! What actually changed was my perception of myself and my husband. I saw us both in a whole new light. Things that used to upset me and frustrate me didn't anymore. I had a new love, compassion, and understanding for him and myself too. I was not trying to see him or me differently, I just did. I was different and when you look out of different eyes, things don't look the same. There is a great book by cellular biologist Bruce Lipton, Ph.D. called The Honeymoon Effect. Bruce explains the mystery of how we can be swept off our feet and on a love high and 10 years later in divorce court wondering how we ever liked that person.
Here is the secret. When you meet and fall in love you are acting with your conscious mind. Your conscious mind has goals and dreams and aspirations and when you find the “one” you spend most of your time in regard to that relationship coming at it from consciousness. You consciously think about what you say, and do at most moments of the relationship. As time goes on, and other things take your conscious thoughts like paying the bills, getting the kids to school etc, you start responding in this relationship with your subconscious programming.
Who is this “new” person? I’m not so sure I like them. Their subconscious programs are grouchy, short tempered, angry etc. Why can't they just act like they did when we met? It really is impossible to stay in your conscious mind in a long term relationship as your subconscious is literally 1 million times more powerful than your conscious and runs your life 95-99% of the time. That might seem an odd thought but think if how many times you've driven across town to arrive and realize you don't even remember driving there. Have you ever moved across town or to a new job and arrived at the wrong place because your conscious thought was to go home or to work but your old subconscious program took you to the old location when you were no longer consciously thinking of it? These same things happen all day everyday but most examples are not as obvious to us because they show up in our feeling and reactions to life. Ever decided you will stop getting angry in rush hour traffic and then the next day you get angry again? Why? That subconscious program was not changed with your conscious desire. So how do we change this?
Dr. Lipton explains that we can change the subconscious programs that are running us and recommends reprogramming the mind as the method he used to regain the honeymoon effect in his life.
What if your subconscious program was that you love, respect, forgive, understand and have patience with yourself and your spouse? If that was your subconscious reaction to life and your relationship what would change? I think we all need to balance for that belief! The world and our marriages would be a much happier place. I've done this for my relationships and I'd love to help you do the same. It's life changing!
My Personal Journey
For me personally, my marriage was a big struggle. I met my husband when I was 14. We got engaged when I was 17 and married at 18. Life was pretty fun until I was 21 and we had our first baby. The honeymoon effect had definitely warn off by then! I thought the issue was our young age but as we got older nothing changed. We were both running off our subconscious programming which was sabotaging our joy.
Due to religious convictions, we stuck it out reading marriage books, seeing therapists and just mostly struggling. It was a pretty sad way to live. Where did all the romance and fun and passion go? My subconscious programs seemed to really be doing a number on me. Of course at that time I had no idea my subconscious was the root of our trouble. We are both good people and were very committed but where was the joy?
Reprogramming my mind changed our marriage! How you ask?
Reprogramming my mind changed my perception of my marriage. It didn’t actually change my marriage. Everything is the same but I see it all totally differently. This was a miracle for me!
One day after doing a balance for myself about finding more joy in my marriage my husband walked in the room and I literally gasped with excitement. I didn't try to do that, it was a subconscious reaction from my balance work. I gasped with surprised at my gasp and then started laughing. My husband asked what he missed. I explained the whole story to him. What fun we have now!
Do you know what's holding you back from having wonderful and fulfilling relationships?
Typically we don't know and that is a really frustrating feeling. Or if we think we understand what's going on but most of the time we see the problem as a tip of the ice berg type issue and we don't really understand what's underneath it all.
We can ask your system what limiting beliefs are getting in your way and balance these perceptions that could be holding you back from more genuine and loving relationships.
We'd love to chat with you about your relationship goals. Schedule a 30 minute complementary Balanced You™ intro call with us so we can figure out what's working, what's not and what you want different in your relationships.Schedule your complementary consult here